literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
