Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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