almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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