my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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