Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Everything about him screamed your future.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
