He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
