Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
