you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
