Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
