Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
