I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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