i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Randomize