ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
