dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
