worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I think I sprained my soul last night
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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