So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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