As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
