my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
