Me too!
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
