i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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