I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Randomize
