You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just googled if crying burns calories
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
