Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
