That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
