....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
