It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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