You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
