Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
This house was built for laser tag.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
