I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
