I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
My ATM looks so different sober.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
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