So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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