FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
