She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
