if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
