we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
