if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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