umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
is that a dick in a sweater?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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