I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
