I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
