Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
