you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
