Sry I called you an 8
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
