I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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