Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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