Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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