I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
