I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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