mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
