i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize