Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
