I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Be still, my beating vagina.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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