I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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