i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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