Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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