two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
What a dumb baby whore.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
