no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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