I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
