Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
