Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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