I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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