Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
