She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I've blown a few things in my day
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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