my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
