Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
