Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
