What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
