why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
