Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
