i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
