i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
