i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
