I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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