Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
there is glitter all over my balls
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