Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
