He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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