I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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