Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
