He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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