Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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