I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
