Can i not drive my cunt home
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
if i died would you start the facebook group?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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