I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize