we have pet lesbian snakes
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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