at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
