so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
