my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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