i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize