Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
