I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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