so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
