I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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