I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
