I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
