Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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