that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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