I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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