she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
