How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
