You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize