return my video game
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
